WAR OF THE WORLDS MOVIE REVIEW

WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005)

I read on the internet that this movie is supposedly based on some book written a long time ago. That's why the internet is so whacked out. I can't believe anything I read on the internet anymore especially stupid stuff like this. If this movie is really based on a book they would have put subtitles on the screen.

Plus another thing is that books are so stupid that no one even reads them. Not even me even though I know so much stuff. So I find it hard to believe about people reading books and wanting to make movies out of it. It's almost preposterous. If you ask me, it sounds like a Hollywood gimmick.

I saw this movie with my brother for a matinee. I think this will be the last we will ever see of Steven Spielberg because of major errors he made. If this was really a war of the worlds, why didn't he show any of the other wars on the other planets?

He spent so much time on Earth that he forgot to show all the other worlds. Don't get me wrong, I like Earth as much as the rest of you, but I would have liked to seen the other planets being blown up. I love to blow stuff up.

Some other worlds include Mars, Milky Way (not to be confused with the candy bar), Saturn and Pluto. If I was President I would have attacked Saturn with lots of fighter jets and tanks and stuff that hurts like bayonets in the stomach. Believe me, I know this hurts. I've had it done to me twice.

Another reason why Spielberg's career is done is because of the music. I wish someone cool like Bo Dice or Clay Aiken did the soundtrack. Especially when Tom Cruise was hiding they could have played Clay Aiken's "Invisible.” That would have been a total slap in the face to the aliens.

Also, I would have ended the movie differently. It would have been totally sweet to see Tom Cruise fighting Matt Lauer at the end. Even a CGI Matt Lauer would be just as sweet. It's pretty obvious that Spielberg has lost his touch and vision with America.

One thing I couldn't believe is how tall Tim Robbins is. He is such a tall man and looks like he is still growing. I wish I could stand next to him and measure myself. They should sell a promotional Tim Robbins life size poster (with the yard stick on the side) at Target or Walmart. This would help promote the movie big time.

One cool thing about the movie is the aliens. I love aliens so much that it is unbelievable. If I ever get married I want to honeymoon in Roswell which is where the aliens were born. I have a tank top that has a picture of an alien with the words "I Believe" on it. Aliens are so popular that the Boston Red Sox made up shirts for the aliens that say "We Believe." I think you can buy these online.

Think of the killer stuff aliens gave us like Stonehedge, Plasma televisons and the Pyramids in Egypt. One of the leading experts in aliens is Wilford Brimley who was in the movie "Cocoon" a movie with a lot of old people and aliens. Write to him for more info on aliens and spaceships. I bet he gets tons of chicks, even alien chicks.

One cool thing about Steven Spielberg is he has a beard. My brother has a goatee which is almost a beard. There were a few people in the theater who had beards. One guy was in our row. I pretended to trip and was able to touch his beard. I told him I was sorry, but I didn't mean it. If Spielberg wants to revitalize his career he should sell his beard on EBAY. I would be the first to buy it. He could use the money to make another movie or just to buy a cool car.

"War of the Worlds" is a movie that I recommend only if you like aliens and tall people.