FAST & FURIOUS MOVIE REVIEW

FAST & FURIOUS (2009)

Someone needs to talk to Vin Diesel soon because he is going bald. And it is pretty obvious why – he is driving too fast and too furious.

Now he is paying the consequences for it.

This is not the first time Vin Diesel has done this. He did it in Tokyo three years ago and he did it in LA in 2001.

I am one of the best drivers I know and that’s because I attended driver’s ed before I got my license. Somehow Vin Diesel skipped this step because one of the first things they teach you is that if you drive fast you will lose your hair.

He is out of control. I would never get in a car with him. He is not only a fast driver, he is a furious driver. He is a loose cannon and so reckless that he is jeopardizing every hair on his head.

That will cost him his career because there have never been any bald movie stars.

I know what you are saying – Telly Savalas was a bald movie star, but that comes with a major major asterisk. None of Telly Savalas’ movies ever made it onto the big screen.

To me Telly Savalas is a hack and a fraud. I have never been in a car with Telly Savalas, but I’m pretty sure you would need 12 seat belts just be safe with him because he is always jumping over canyons and river beds.

I bet Telly Savalas never stopped at stop signs and never used his windshield wipers when it rained. He is so irresponsible.

That is the same direction Vin Diesel is going in.

If I had a chance I would pull Vin Diesel aside and let him touch my hair and see how awesome it is.

If Vin Diesel wanted he could grab a strand, laminate it and use it as a bookmark. Or he could cut a lock of my hair off and keep it as a lucky souvenir. Or he could just brush my hair with his hands and feel the essence of awesomeness.

These are things that Vin Diesel needs to witness firsthand before it is too late and he goes completely bald.