My friend Andy called me up and asked if I wanted to see “Bruno” with him and his roommate Joe so I did and you will not believe what happened.
When I got there Joe and Andy had already chosen seats in the back of the theater. I was furious and I told them so with my eyes and the inside of my head.
Whenever I go see a movie I see it from the front row because that is where the important people sit for any event like concerts and plays even though plays are stupid and no one can understand them.
The front row is a sign of stature and importance and basically Andy and his stupid head roommate Joe were saying I was a second-class citizen.
That doesn’t fly in my book so I sat two seats away from Andy and Joe and did not even offer them my popcorn or Reese’s Pieces.
I made sure to eat very loudly so both Andy and Joe would get jealous.
It worked because when the movie was over Andy and Joe both said, “Oh man, I’m hungry.”
“Oh yeah, well I’m not because I ate more popcorn and more Reese’s Pieces than you ever will,” I said to their faces.
Their faces were in shock because they knew what I was saying was the truth. To make it even better I told them how my head was a human calculator and how I had counted the number of popcorn kernels – 927 – and Reese’s Pieces – 79 – I had eaten during the movie.
They asked me to prove it, but I told them I don’t have to prove anything to them.