September 24, 2009


CAPOTE (2005)

If you like people with funny voices then this movie is for you. This man has an even funnier name - Truman Capote – which is obviously fake.

When Capote was in college he couldn’t get into bars because he was always getting carded by bouncers. That is when he got a fake ID with that fake name on it.

I know because it happened to me. My fake ID name is Dick Tator, but I can’t use it anymore because the police confiscated my license.

I have a major inkling that this Truman Capote was a sneaky Pete before he got his fake ID. He probably had his fraternity brothers sneaking him into bars through the back door. Or they probably paid off the bouncers to get him into a dance club. I know this just by looking at his face. He is a weasel.

Even though he is a weasel he has a lot of friends because he has a really bad lisp and smokes like a waitress at IHOP.

His friends are always asking him to talk and talk. The great thing about him is that he does.

That is why Truman Capote is so awesome. I would invite him to my birthday parties and have him talk about nothing.

Think about it. Whenever you go to a party the best part is when someone inhales helium balloons and starts talking. Bar none. Truman Capote is a walking and talking helium balloon. That is how he made all his money. His agent billed him as the Human Helium Balloon.

After the party, I would bring this Capote guy to some lecture hall and have him read the Declaration of Independence. People would be rolling in their seats and kind of getting a history lesson at the same time.

Then I would have him appear on television and declare war on some country. No one would believe him and if they did at least they wouldn’t be scared because any guy with his voice is not scary.

Other things he would be perfect for include, but are not limited to, doing play by play for the Minnesota Timberwolves and being the ring announcer for WWE wrestling matches.

Truman Capote’s voice is an untapped resource in our country. Only three people I know have good voices. They are: Clay Aiken, Mickey Mouse, and Burt Reynolds. Thanks to this movie Truman Capote is now on that list.

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