September 28, 2009



Any movie about abductions hits home for me.

I have been abducted three times, twice by aliens.

The other time was by my mother who made me go shopping with her. Any time you have to go shopping with a woman it is worse than being held hostage by aliens and having probes stuck in your brain.

That is because women have no concept of time or money. Neither of these grow on trees, but women think they do.

If there was a tree made of money don’t you think I would be climbing it every day? I’ve only climbed one tree in my life and it was when I was six-years-old. I ended up breaking my leg and spleen.

When I got healthy I ended up taking an axe to that tree and cutting it down. I have never derived so much pleasure in my life than the moment when that tree came crashing to the ground.

That is why revenge is so sweet.

Next up on my revenge list are the aliens and my mother, especially if they try to abduct me again.

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