November 19, 2009



Note: This review was written before this movie ever hit theaters solely using the movie trailer, marking a first in movie review history.

Yesterday was one of the most horrible days in my life. The lemonade stand I started two weeks ago is officially out of business.

It happened at 9:48 AM. I know the time because that is what it says on the police report. That is when three cruisers arrived at Dump Road and ordered me to shut down my illegal operation.

Apparently I need a permit to sell thirst-quenching drinks – drinks that the public wants bad by the way. Over the past two weeks I had so many people honking their horn and waving to me. It was clearly the best two weeks of my life. If you ever have experienced the thrill of people honking and waving at you, you know what I mean.

I told the police "whatever" and I downed a whole gallon of lemonade in their face. I then walked three miles to my house carrying my parents folding table, a lawn chair, professionally designed posters hand drawn by me, my cash register and a table cloth on my back.

I stopped to go to the bathroom five times. A lot of people honked and waved at me then too. It was awesome.

So now I am out of a job again and my parents aren't happy. I counted all the money I made in two weeks and it is $9.32. For some people that is a year's salary so I should be excited, but it won't get me into the movie theater anytime soon.

The local theater near my house just raised their ticket prices to $10 per person so unless I find a way to come up with 68 cents there is no way I will be able to see a movie again in my life.

But this does not mean I will ever stop doing movie reviews. I know Hollywood fears me, but I can not let that or my lack of an income stream stop me.

Luckily my parents are rich and can afford to pay for cable. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to do my first review of a movie that is not even in the theaters yet. When you reach my level of career success, the industry will let you do that. It is what insiders like me call an advanced screening.

This is a major sign that shows my readers I have finally arrived. My talent is being recognized by the powers that be on a national level.

Last night I was able to see a movie trailer for The Game Plan. I'm pretty sure I know everything about this movie from watching only a minute of clips edited together.

This movie is about football and the Rock. If you don't believe me, I suggest you shut your face and see this trailer immediately if not sooner.

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