March 2, 2011

JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER MOVIE REVIEW

JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER (2011)


Up until last year Justin Bieber was just a normal boy with the voice of an angel and a great head of hair, but then he had major surgery. All of his hard core biggest fans, especially me, were scared to death and cried ourselves to sleep. We all thought his career was over and, in turn, our lives would be over.


We had nothing left to live for.


During that time I sent him over 382 handwritten letters. I know for a fact he read each one because the police told me I can never contact him again. I've never had that happen to me before so I framed the correspondence from the police chief and hung it over my bed. I look at it before I go to sleep every night knowing I made a difference in Bieber's life.


The doctors didn't thank me, but I know for a fact that without my letters Bieber's surgery wouldn't have been a success.


When Bieber came out of the hospital he was more powerful than we could have ever imagined. He was more than Justin Bieber. He was 3D Justin Bieber.


Critics said it could never happen, but Justin Bieber NEVER says NEVER.


Now that he is 3D, Bieber can pretty much do whatever he wants, including, but not limited to:


  1. Ride dragons
  2. Dance with a basket of fruit on his head
  3. Swim the Atlantic Ocean in one day
  4. Wear wool sweaters without being itchy
  5. Burn money and laugh while doing it


Obviously this is just a small list of his new powers.


The greatest part is that every time he gets stronger no-talent singers like Lady Gaga and Ruben Studdard get weaker. The medical establishment is pretty stoked over this because Lady Gaga and Ruben Studdard are bankrupting our health care system because they are making our ears bleed. There is no cure for this condition.


Even if Lady Gaga teamed up with Ruben Studdard they would have to be trained by Hulk Hogan because he is the only one who could pin 3D Bieber in a wrestling match. Luckily, Hulk Hogan is busy getting divorced to women and riding motorcycles into police barricades so he doesn't have time to deal with 3D Justin Bieber.


Plus, 3D Justin Bieber would probably form an alliance with Hulk Hogan and they would record a Christmas album together. That is the only thing 3D Bieber hasn't done. This would do wonders for the North Pole which has been devastated by the recession. In the movie 3D Bieber blames Lehman Brothers for the collapse of the North Pole.


Boycott Lehman Brothers. And then dance. That is what 3D Bieber does.


At some point in the near future I am confident 3D Justin Bieber will finally destroy Lady Gaga and Ruben Studdard or at least send them to Colombia where they would be forced to pick coffee beans for Starbucks at minimum wage.


So now that Bieber is 3D what can we expect? Many people are predicting that he will become the next president of the United States. When that happens we will never say never again except when we have to say the name of this movie. Then we would have to say never. Twice.

2 comments:

Jesse Power said...

I had no clue he was that powerful. Impressive!

Kevin said...

The thing is Skippy. YOu made Bieber. Like Mafia shit man! And Bieber can never thank you because, it's outa respect. You don't do that shit or you get whacked. Nobody cares when you get whacked. They might say "too bad about skippy, Pass the cauliflower."