THE HOBBIT (2012)
Without Peter Jackson short people would never have jobs. They
owe him a debt of gratitude they can never, ever repay.
If you think about it short people can’t do much of anything
which is why kids are such a nuisance. That’s why it is so surprising Peter
Jackson not only casts them in movies, but actually gets them to do stuff.
Pretty much every short person I know is always asking me to
lift them up so they can see. Once I lift them up they ask if they can sit on
my shoulders for a little while. I can’t count how many times I’ve had shoulder surgeries
because of this. That’s why I’m so glad about Obamacare. Instead of having my
parents perform those surgeries I’ll finally be able to have a real doctor do
them.
Neither of my parents know anything about medicine, but to
save money they’ve replaced my shoulders and shoulder bones multiple times with
Legos and cool things like that which never break.
Usually I’m awake during
those surgeries in case my parents have questions on where they should cut.
The other reason why this movie rocks so hard is because of
the soundtrack. In the past Peter Jackson has used composers who play boring
classical music that no one ever listens to. But this time he used my favorite
singer Psy.
Psy is the Asian Justin Bieber. He can do no wrong and is
probably going to be our next president. As you all know I have sent letters to
everyone in government to see if they can replace the national anthem with
Gangnam Style. How awesome would it be to do Gangnam Style before every
sporting event? I know we’d win every Olympics!
And that’s why "The Hobbit" is doing so good in the box
office. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but when all the hobbits have a dance
off with the orcs and dragons at the end to Gangnam Style my head literally
exploded. It was no big deal and the ushers didn’t care because my head is
always exploding so they just got a broom and dust pan and swept it up.
Luckily, they gave me my head back so
I could write this and tell everyone in the world to go see "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey."
No comments:
Post a Comment