January 17, 2013



Without Peter Jackson short people would never have jobs. They owe him a debt of gratitude they can never, ever repay.

If you think about it short people can’t do much of anything which is why kids are such a nuisance. That’s why it is so surprising Peter Jackson not only casts them in movies, but actually gets them to do stuff.

Pretty much every short person I know is always asking me to lift them up so they can see. Once I lift them up they ask if they can sit on my shoulders for a little while. I can’t count how many times I’ve had shoulder surgeries because of this. That’s why I’m so glad about Obamacare. Instead of having my parents perform those surgeries I’ll finally be able to have a real doctor do them.

Neither of my parents know anything about medicine, but to save money they’ve replaced my shoulders and shoulder bones multiple times with Legos and cool things like that which never break. 

Usually I’m awake during those surgeries in case my parents have questions on where they should cut.

The other reason why this movie rocks so hard is because of the soundtrack. In the past Peter Jackson has used composers who play boring classical music that no one ever listens to. But this time he used my favorite singer Psy.

Psy is the Asian Justin Bieber. He can do no wrong and is probably going to be our next president. As you all know I have sent letters to everyone in government to see if they can replace the national anthem with Gangnam Style. How awesome would it be to do Gangnam Style before every sporting event? I know we’d win every Olympics!

And that’s why "The Hobbit" is doing so good in the box office. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but when all the hobbits have a dance off with the orcs and dragons at the end to Gangnam Style my head literally exploded. It was no big deal and the ushers didn’t care because my head is always exploding so they just got a broom and dust pan and swept it up.

Luckily, they gave me my head back so I could write this and tell everyone in the world to go see "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey."

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